I just cant stop farting, and it smells like jellybeans and toothpaste.  Have you ever had one of those moments where you farted and it burned so bad, it litterally felt like your asshole was on fire?  And then, to top it off, the fart actually smelled like the jalapenos and habeneros you ate for dinner?  Man, that fucking sucks when that happens.

Also, why the fuck do farts have to sound the way they do?  I mean, if youre one of those people who believes humans have adapted over the millions of years, youd think our bodies would have learned to be a little more socially acceptable stop with the "bbbbbbrrrrrrrrr-rrrr-rrrr-rrrr-rrrr" machine-gun fart sounds we make.  I mean, sure, its funny as hell when someone else does it in an embarrassing setting, but when it happens to you... damn.  Even when you try to hide it, and it comes out as a "Pfffft", or even worse, a high-pitched "peeeeee-oooooooooo!"  its fucking annoying.

Theres really only one thing I enjoy about farting, and I suggest all the men try this when they get a chance.

Next time you take a shower, take a hot bath instead, and fill the water nice and high.  Then, stay in the tub until you have to fart.   Try to fart so that the gas bubbles go up your butt-crack and come past your taint.  It feels sooooo good and tingly when the bubbles lift your ballsack a little bit, and then pop just above them, releasing their gaseous stench.  Ahhh, now that is the meaning of happiness right there....