A man goes to a golf pro for some advice.
"Well, what should I do?" asked the man.
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."
Taking the advice, he took a s wing, and POW, he hit the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway. The ecstatic man went back home telling his wife the good news about his lesson, and, the wife couldn't wait for her lesson. The next day, the wife went for her lesson.
The pro watched her swing and said, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard."
"What can I do?" asked the wife.
"Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's manhood."
The wife listened carefully to the pro's advice, took a swing, and, THUMP!-- the ball skipped down the fairway about 15 feet.
"You know, that was a lot better than I expected," the pro said.
"Now, take the club out of your mouth, and, hold it in your hands."