"Settling Disputes"

There was once a Scotsman and an Englishman
who lived next door to each other. The Scotsman
owned a hen and each morning would look in his
garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for
breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that
the hen had laid an egg in the Englishman's garden.
He was about to go next door when he saw the
Englishman pick up the egg. The Scotsman ran up to
the Englishman and told him that the egg belonged
to him because he owned the hen. The Englishman
disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Scotsman
said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the
following actions: I kick you in the groin and time how
long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in
the groin and time how long it takes for me to get up,
whomever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Englishman agreed to this and so the Scotsman
found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he
took a few steps back, then ran toward the Englishman
and kicked as hard as he could in the groin. The
Englishman fell to the floor clutching his groin, howling
in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Englishman stood up and said, "Now
it's my turn to kick you."

The Scotsman said, "Keep the damn egg."