The magic word is please as in "please don't kill me", too bad chuck norris doesn't believe in magic.

Everytime Chuck Norris hears the term ‘Virgin’ Mary he laughs out loud…enough said.


Early in his career, Chuck Norris made money winning three-legged races by himself.


Girls need mountain climbing equipment to give head to Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris beat a goldfish in a staring contest. Twice.



Chuck Norris bless GOD.



When asked if he prayed to god. Chuck Norris replied "Yeah I talk to myself all the time"



Women have to blind fold themselves while having sex with Chuck Norris because the size of Chuck Norris' penis makes u go blind.


Chuck Norris invented the spoon, because killing people with a knife was just to easy.



Chuck Norris once made a paper airplane, he then gave it to the Wright brothers.


Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public.



Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer. Why? Because Chuck Norris is never wrong.


Chuck Norris’s victims have been owned more times than goodwill clothing.



Chuck Norris played a grand piano in a marching band!




The secret to eternal life is an IOU note from Chuck Norris.




It is impossible to be raped by Chuck Norris because that would mean you did not want it to happen.



It took five women three years to give birth to Chuck Norris.



When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.



Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game throwing nothing but gutterballs.



Chuck Norris’ action figure has slept with more women then most men.



Chuck Norris lives in a haunted house and the ghosts tell stories about him.



The longest staring contest recorded in history was between Chuck Norris and his reflection... he still won.



Chuck Norris was so ashamed of producing such jewish child that he made the woman he had sex with to never say anything about it. We know this child as Jesus, the mother Mary.



Chuck Norris is suing the Bubble Tape company because "6 Feet of Fun" is the trademark name for his penis...



Chuck Norris survived an abortion.



They say that behind every man is a good woman.The only thing behind Chuck Norris is a trail of dead bodies...The women are in front of Chuck Norris, bent down doggy-style.



When Chuck Norris has sex with women his orgasm is so powerful it blows another hole through her



Chuck Norris claims he’s colorblind. just in case he roundhouse kicks a black guy he cant be considered racist.



Chuck Norris can kick the dogshit out of a cat.



Chuck Norris finished singing the song that never ends.




Entering your name as Chuck Norris will give you automatic high scores in any video game...


Chuck Norris is so manly that if you see his penis and are not attractd to it you are considered gay.