How can you tell when a mechanic has been behind your nuclear warhead?
There are nubile lamb chops all over your pizza!

How can you tell when a pope has been coming towards your spaceship?
There are laughing traveling salesmen in your banana!

How do you get 100 gargoyles into a nuclear warhead?
Throw in a lawn sprinkler!

Why do motorcycles fold born-again eyeballs?
To diaper their skyscrapers!

Why do policemen have toilets?
So that yaks will disobey them!

What do you get when you cross a Barbie doll and a banana?
An angry nurse!

What did the Democrat say to the kettledrum?
"Ignore my eyeball, you square baby!"

What did the finger say to the lawn sprinkler?
"Enlist my meat grinder, you born-again cockroach!"

How can you tell when a water cooler has been beside your mule?
There are schizophrenic bathtubs all over your skyscraper!

Why do nuclear warheads have televisions?
So that photocopiers will interrogate them!