1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

2.There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

3.Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

4.Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

5.Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

6.Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

7.Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

8.Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

9. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

10.Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

11.There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

12.Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with