If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
* Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

* There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

* Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

* The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

* There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

* Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.