Whats purple and sits in a corner? A baby playing with a plastic bag.

What's green and sits in a corner? The same baby three weeks later.

What's black and sits in a corner? A baby with it's finger in a power point.

What's more fun than nailing a baby to a wall? Ripping it off again.

What's more fun than spinning a baby on a clothes hoist at 100mph? Stopping it
with a cricket bat.

Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

What's the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of marbles?
You can't load marbles with a pitchfork.

What's green and spins around at 100mph? A frog in a blender.

What's red and spins around at 100mph? A baby that's crawled in after it.

What's black and spins around slowly? A foetus in a rotisserie.

What do you call two abortions in a bucket? Blood brothers.

What's red and sits in a corner? A baby playing with a razor blade.

What's red and sits in a corner? A baby shaving its head with a potato peeler.

What's blue and sits in a corner? A baby playing with a plastic bag.

What's green and sits in a corner? The same baby three weeks later.

What's black and sits in a corner? A baby with it's finger in a power point.

What's more fun than nailing a baby to a wall? Ripping it off again.

What's more fun than spinning a baby on a clothes hoist at 100mph? Stopping it
with a cricket bat.

Why did the baby cross the road? It was nailed to the chicken.

What's the difference between a truckload of babies and a truckload of marbles?
You can't load marbles with a pitchfork.

What's green and spins around at 100mph? A frog in a blender.

What's red and spins around at 100mph? A baby that's crawled in after it.

What's black and spins around slowly? A foetus in a rotisserie.

What do you call two abortions in a bucket? Blood brothers.

What's blue and yellow and floats at the bottom of the pool? A baby with
slashed water-wings.

Why couldn't the baby turn around in the hallway? He had a javelin through his
neck.

What's black and bobs up and down? A baby in a toaster.

What's the difference between an abortion and sand? You can't eat sand.

What's BABYLON? The stuff you spray on babies before you iron them.

What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

What squeals and goes around at 100mph? A baby in an electric fan.

What's more fun than a barrel full of dead babies? A barrel full of dead babies
with a live one on the bottom trying to get up.

How do you get a baby out of a blender? With a straw.

What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals? A bus load of babies on fire.

What bounces up and down at 100mph? A baby tied to the back of a truck.

What's brown and gurgles? A baby in a casserole.

What's better than a baby in a bucket? The same baby in two buckets.

What event nearly could have changed the course of history? The dingo of
Bethlehem.

What's the best babysitter you can get? A dingo.

How do you bring up a baby? Kick a dingo in the stomach.

Why is it so hard to breed dingoes? It takes 9 months to grow the food.

What's a baby in a pram near Ayres Rock? Meals on Wheels.

What's the definition of revenge? A baby with a dingo in it's mouth.

Mummy! Mummy! I keep running around in circles. Shut up or I'll nail your other
foot to the floor!

Mummy! Mummy! I hate Daddy's guts. Well push them to the side of the plate dear
and eat the vegetables.

Mummy! Mummy! It's hot in here. Shut up or I'll close the oven door as well.

Mummy! Mummy! Daddy's going out. Shut up and put some more petrol on him.

Mummy! Mummy! I don't wanna go to America. Shut up kid and keep swimming.

Mummy! Mummy! Can I lick out the bowl? No! Flush it out like everybody else!

Mummy! Mummy! It's hot in here - can I come out? No! Do you want the fire to
spread to the rest of the house as well?