Diagnostic Computer
Jeff woke up one morning with a really swollen wrist.

"Don't go to the doctor" his friend told him, "there's a machine at the drug store that can tell you the problem faster. Give it a urine sample and it'll tell you the problem."

Jeff gave it a try so he went to the drug store with the urine sample. He gave it the sample and after a brief pause a paper slip fell out: Your wrist is inflamed. Avoid heavy lifting. Cool it with ice. It will be better in one week.

Late that evening Jeff thought how he could fool the machine. He stirred together urine samples from his dog, wife and daughter. To top it off, he jerked off into the sample cup.

He went back to the store, walked up to the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. After a brief pause it churned out another slip of paper:

Your dog has worms, get him to a vet. Your daughter is using meth, put her in rehab. Your wife is pregnant. And stop jacking off!