These are from a book called Disorder in the courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.


Attorney:atr you sexually active?
witness;No, I just lie there.

Attorney: what is your date of birth?
witness: july 18th
Attorney:what year?
witness: every year

Attorney:what gear were you in at the moment of impact?
witness:Gucci sweats and reeboks

Attorney:this myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
witness:yes.
Attorney and in what way does it affect your memory?
witness:i forget
Attorney:you forget?can you give us an example of something you forgot?

Attorney:How old is your son,the one living with you?
witness:thirty-eight or thirty -five i can`t remember which
Attoorney:how long has he lived with you?
witness:forty-five years

Attorney;what was the first thing your husband said to you that morning
Witness:he said "where am i, Cathy?"
Attorney:And why did that upset you?
witness:my name is Susan.

Attorneyo you know if your Daughter has ever been involved in voodoo/
witness: we both do.
attorney:voodoo
witness:we do
attorney you do?
witness:yes voodoo.

Attorney:Now doctor,isn`t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn`t know about it until next morning/
witnessid you actually pass the bar exam?

Attorney:The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old,how old is he?
witness:Uh, he`s twenty-one.

Attorney:were you present when your picture was taken/
witness:would you repeat the question/

Attorney:so the date of conception(of the baby)was august 8th?
Witness:yes.
Attorney:And what were you doing at the time/
Witness:uh...

Attorney:she had three children,right?
Witness:yes.
Attorney:how many were boys?
Witness:none.
Attorney:were there any girls?

Attorney:How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness:By death.
Attorney:And by whose death was it terminated?

Attorney:Can you describe the individual?
Witness;He was about medium height and had a beard.
attorney;Was this a male or female/

Attorney;Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which i sent to your attorney?
witness:No this is how i dress when i go to work.

Attorney:doctor,how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness;All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Attorney:all your responses must be oral,OK?what school did you go to?
Witness:Oral.

Attorneyo you recall the time that you examined the body?
witness;The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Attorney and Mr.Denton was dead at the time/
Witness:No, he was sitting on the table wondering why i was doing an autopsy on him!

Attorney:Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness:Huh?

Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse/
Witness:No.
Attorneyid you check for blood pressure?
Witness:No.
Attorneyid you check for breathing?
Witness:No.
Attorney:so,then it is possable that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy/
Witness:No.
Attorney;How can you be so sure ,Doctor/
Witness;Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Attorney:But could the patient have still been alive,nevertheless?
Witness:yes,it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.