Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the
night celebrating St Patrick’s Day. Mick, the bartender says,
“You’ll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy”. Paddy replies “OK
Mick, I’ll be on my way then.”

Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his
face. “Shit” he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts
himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his
face. He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just
get to the door and get some fresh air he’ll be fine.

He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up the doorframe. He sticks his
head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better
and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat on his face.
“I’m fuckin’ fucked,” he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and
shimmies up the doorframe, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes
a look up the stairs and says “No fuckin’ way”. He crawls up the stairs
to his bedroom door and says “I can make it to the bed.” He takes a step
into the room and falls flat on his face. He says “Fuck it” and falls
into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of
coffee and says, “Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last
night?”. Paddy says, “I did Jess. I was fuckin’ pissed. But how’d you
know?”

“Mick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub.”