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Facts of life

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If you shouldn't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, could you plan a surprise birthday party for them?
If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?
If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
If you take a shower, where do you put it?
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?
If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Is there a Dr. Salt?
Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
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