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Fuck My Life! 2

1) I was taking a piss in the port-o-potty and thought it'd be a good idea to aim at a bee I saw buzzing around. The bee thought it'd be a better idea to sting me on the knob.

2) My 5-year-old nephew showed me green Martians that he made with his new PlayDoh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue Martians?" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?"

3) While I was walking to work in a snowstorm (since I don't own a car), a man rolled down his window and screamed, "What are you doing, you fucking freak? You stupid bitch!" while I waited for a green light to cross.

4) I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I thought he was a really great kid, but I was 17, so it would never work out. He said he was fine. Then, when his parents came home, he told them that I hit him and started crying.

5) While riding in the car with friends, we stopped at a red light. To our left, a morbidly obese, middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers for the duration of the red light.

6) During lunch at school, a wave of nausea came over me. I ran to the bathroom and made it just in time. As I was throwing up, I accidentally set off the toilet's automatic flush. My vomit came flying back into my face.

7) I was at a local Chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically for no reason. My friend told me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke. Naturally, I kept on. She puked over the table, and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants.

8) I just found out today... our husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star.

9) I was eating dinner. At a restaurant. Alone. At a table set for twelve. My family had stayed home to watch the replays of football... and didn't think to tell me. Replays. They saw the LIVE GAME last week. I left after about an hour, and the whole restaurant applauded me as I left.

10) Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mailbox and noticed that his Nintendo Wii had arrived. He sent me home so he could play.
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Tags: life fml funny

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