A guy gets off work, goes to a bar and gets drunk.

He tells his friend that he is going to get killed by his wife because he is not supposed to be drinking.

The friend says "Here's what you do... When you get home, you'll smell like alcohol. You put a $20 bill in your shirt pocket and tell you wife that you were working late and one of your co-workers came by and spilled a martini on your shirt and gave you $20 for the dry cleaning.

The guy loves the idea and continues drinking.

He gets home at midnight. His wife says "Where the hell have you been?"

The guy says "Honey, I was working late and Bill came by and accidently spilled a martini on me. He put a $20 bill in my shirt pocket for the dry cleaning."

The wife reaches in and pulls out two $20 bills and says "Then why is there $40 in there?

The guys thinks for a minute and says: "Oh yeah. He shit my pants too."