A man is speeding down the motorway when he's stopped by a police car and has to pull over. "Do you realise you were doing 90 m.p.h. in a 70 limit, sir?" asks the policeman.

"That's impossible, sir, I never break the speed limit," replies the driver.

The driver's wife butts in and says, "Yes, you do, I'm always telling you to keep your speed down."

The policeman says, "I also noticed, sir, that you didn't have your seat belt on. You put it on as I was walking over to your car."

"That is not true, sir; I always wear my seat belt," replies the driver.

Says the wife, "No, you don't, I'm always telling you to put your seat belt on."

At that, the driver goes mad. "Shut up woman, can't you, just for once, keep your big, fat trap shut?"

The policeman is a bit taken aback by how the driver is speaking to his wife, so he moves around to her side of the car. "Does he often speak to you like this, madam?"

"Oh, no, constable," she says, "only when he's drunk."