Man Laws
skerrwood
Published
06/30/2010
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella
It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a-when a heroic dog dies to save its master
b-the moment Angelina jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c-after wrecking your boss’ car
d-when she is using her teeth
any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies
unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours
if you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her
moaning and groaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable
no man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice
on a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest
when stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing
you may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend
it is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when your sunning on a tropical beach…and its delivered by a topless model and only when its free
only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts
unless you’re in prison, never fight naked
friends don’t let friends wear speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything
Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers
A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight
Never hesitate to reach for the last slice of pizza or beer, but not both, that’s just greedy
If you compliment a guy on his six-pack you’d better be talking about his choice of beer
Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours except if she’s withholding sex pending your response
Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights
a-yeah baby push it
b-come on give me one more! Harder!
c-another set and we can hit the showers
never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. for all other situation an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need
never allow a telephone conversation to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs
It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours
Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime-green, orange, or sky blue.
The girl who replies to the question “what do you want for Christmas” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story
Never take a man’s wife out for drinks if he is more than 50 miles away from home
There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or mens gymnastics. Ever.
We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
“Guts” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
“balls” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next.”
It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a-when a heroic dog dies to save its master
b-the moment Angelina jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c-after wrecking your boss’ car
d-when she is using her teeth
any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies
unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours
if you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her
moaning and groaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable
no man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional. At that point you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy’s choice
on a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest
when stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing
you may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend
it is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when your sunning on a tropical beach…and its delivered by a topless model and only when its free
only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts
unless you’re in prison, never fight naked
friends don’t let friends wear speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything
Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers
A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight
Never hesitate to reach for the last slice of pizza or beer, but not both, that’s just greedy
If you compliment a guy on his six-pack you’d better be talking about his choice of beer
Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours except if she’s withholding sex pending your response
Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights
a-yeah baby push it
b-come on give me one more! Harder!
c-another set and we can hit the showers
never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. for all other situation an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need
never allow a telephone conversation to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs
It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours
Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime-green, orange, or sky blue.
The girl who replies to the question “what do you want for Christmas” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story
Never take a man’s wife out for drinks if he is more than 50 miles away from home
There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or mens gymnastics. Ever.
We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.
“Guts” is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
“balls” is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next.”
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