* Your front porch collapses and you kill more than 6 dogs

* You've ever used lard in bed

* You think potted meat and saltines are an hors d'oevre

* There is a stuffed possum mounted anywhere in your house

* You consider a six-pack of beer and watching a bug-zapper
quality entertainment
* Less than half of the cars you own run

* Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before
telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass
* The main color of your car is "primer"

* You honestly think women are turned on by animal noises and
seductive tongue gestures
* Your family tree doesn't fork

* Your wife's hairdo has ever been caught in a ceiling fan

* Your mother has ever been involved in a fist fight at a high
school sports event
* You've ever B-B-Qued spam on the grill

* The neighbors started a petition concerning your Christmas
lights

* Your brother-in-law is your uncle

* You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey &

* The Bandit was snubbed for best picture

* The rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front ones

* You consider True Story of Field & Stream deep reading

* You prominently display a gift you purchased ar Graceland

* The diploma hanging in your den includes the words "Trucking
Institute"
* Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board

* You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding

* You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader

* The most common phrase heard ar your family reunion is "What
the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"
* You think beef sticks and moon pies are two of the major food
groups
* You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug

* You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior

* You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy

* You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of
all time
* You have a rag for a gas cap

* You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures
were taken
* You've ever used a weed eater indoors

* Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand

* You wait to break wind in bed so you can fan the covers on
your spouse
* You have a fly-strip hanging above the kitchen table

* Your matchbook doubles as a toothpick