A man is out fishing and realizes he was supposed to be home an hour ago. He jumps in his car and speeds away, checking his watch as he zooms over a small bridge. After crossing the bridge, he looks in his rear view mirror, only to see flashing blue and red lights. Swearing to himself, he pulls to the side of the road.

The state trooper gets out of his car, walks up to the man's window and says, "I caught you on radar doing forty-five at the end of that bridge. The speed limit is thirty-five. Can I see your license?"

As the man hands his license to the trooper, he says, "Can't you give me a warning? I was late for work."

The trooper takes that license, starts to writes the ticket and says, "Sorry, the law is the law. What do you do for a living?

"I'm a rectum stretcher," the man replies.

"A WHAT??" the cop asks incredulously.

"A rectum stretcher," the man replies. "I go to people's houses when they need to be stretched. I start with one finger, then go to two, then three and four. then a whole hand. Then two hands. Then I pull my hands apart until it is a full six feet across."

The cop, whose jaw has dropped in amazement, peers over his sunglasses and asks, "What are you supposed to do with a six foot asshole?"

"Give him a radar gun and stick him at the end of a bridge."