While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (20 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a highway patrolman with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The patrolman pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and hate, asked,
"What 's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the patrolman, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The patrolman stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher?
And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"