A guy is real drunk and gets home real late. Trying
to avoid the little woman, he parks a block away
from his home. He takes off his shoes as he walks
up the stairs, careful not to make a noise. He
quietly opens the door and tiptoes into the room,
when BAM, he gets hit by a frying pan.

Telling the story to a friend the next day at the local
watering hole, his best friend sadly shakes his head
and says:

"Boy are you ignert! Now here's how I do it. When
I get rip roaring drunk I go borry my buds low rider
Harley and go screamin' up and down my block a
couple of times a hootin' and a hollerin'. I take the
Harley rat up on the porch and then start screamin'
and a cussin'. I slam open the door and scream, 'I'm
the man of the house and I want some sex rat now!'

And you know what's amazin'??? My wife is always
asleep!"