Sweden: Kiss me quick. Whenever the bride or groom leaves the table, the other will be kissed A LOT. I love Sweden.

Romania: Kidnapping the bride. In parts of Romania, it’s said if you kidnap a girl and keep her by your side for 2-3 days, she’ll officially be declared as your wife. Wait, what?

China: Shooting the bride. I think a wedding in China is definitely off the cards for me. In parts, the groom shoots the bride with three bow and arrows (it’s ok, without arrowheads) – after which he collects and snaps the arrows and they’re supposedly happy forevermore!

China: Butch Brides. A survey reports that 75% of men notice women initially because of their hair but if you’re born in some parts of China, the last time you’ll see your bride with a full head of hair is the night before your wedding. After that, a married woman is supposed to shave it off as a sign of beauty and cleanliness. Brave.

Germany: Log cutting. Newlyweds must put their bond as a couple to the test by working together to saw a huge log in half in front of guests. The act is supposed to represent the teamwork they’ll have throughout marriage. Also, their ability to light a good fire if the time comes.

Massai nation, Kenya: Spitting on the bride. At a Massai wedding, the father of the bride spits on her head and breasts as a way of blessing her. She leaves the village with her husband and never looks back (not because she’s pissed off about the spitting but because they fear you turn into stone if you do.)

India: Traditional shoe thieves. In parts of India the groom is required to take off his shoes before approaching the wedding altar. This signals the start of battle and mayhem ensues. The groom’s family are expected to protect the shoe whilst the brides family are tasked with stealing it. It the bride’s family exceeds the groom has to pay a ransom to get it back.

Russia: Cross-dressing. Who knew Russia had a fun side? Before the wedding, the groom’s family will visit the bride’s family. After paying a dowry the bride is supposed to be presented to the groom. However, if the money isn’t attractive enough a substitute bride will be presented and this is often a cross-dressing friend. You can get your bride back by presenting more money, oh Russia…

France: Délicieux Toilette La Soupe. This is probably the worst of the lot thus far. After the wedding, the bridal party collect leftovers and bits of trash and anything else gross they can find and they put this within a toilet bowl and the bride and groom have to drink it before they leave. All of it. These days they use chocolate, but hey, you’re still drinking from a real live toilet bowl.

Scotland: Blackening the bride. What better way to celebrate the happiest day of your life than having loved ones throw all sorts of grim things over you. From curdled milk and dead fish to tar, mud and flour. Just when she thinks the fun has to stop, she’s tied to a tree, after which she’s taken for a night of drinking. It’s said if she can handle this she can handle anything in marriage, still not convinced.

China: Preplanned crying. It’s probably not a rare occurrence to see a few bridal tears on the big day but the brides and females of Tujia, China take it to the extreme. A month in advance, the bride cries for an hour a day (this is sounding exhausting), ten days in the Mum joins in too. If there’s anything worse than crying, isn’t it seeing your Mum cry? Well, ten days later Grandma joins in too. By the end of the month, all females in the family are crying with the bride. It’s thought to express joy as women cry in different tones.

India: Marrying a tree. In parts of India, women are born as Mangliks, which is when Mars and Saturn are both under the 7th house – any clearer? No, me either. Well, it’s thought to be cursed and apparently will cause their husband an early death. They weren’t going to let that stop them though, to shake the curse, the women first marry a tree and then cut it down. Sorry nature.

Korea: Beating the groom’s feet. Korean tradition dictates that the groom has his feet beaten with fish or a cane (not sure which of these are worse) before his first night as a married man. It’s said to be pretty painful but it’s seen as more fun than cool. But the bride is in luck because this is supposed to ensure the groom performs well on the wedding night. I’ll remember to try that one at home.

Inner Mongolia, China: Chick Liver Tradition. This one is a bit sad! To select the wedding date the bride and groom have to take the life of a baby chick whilst holding the knife together. When the chick’s liver appears the date is divined. It gets worse – if the chick has an unsatisfactory looking liver (do people have satisfactory looking livers?) they have to keep killing chicks until one is deemed fitting.