1. As your number of anniversaries go up, opportunities for sex go down

2. If you come home to find your wife and dog are missing, chances are she took him for a walk

3. Every man needs a wife, cause you need someone to blame for everything, whether or not you get away with it

4. You think girlfriends cost money? Just wait ’til you get married

5. Occasionally you’re going to need your wife for a contest, call it…bonding

6. If you leave her (or cheat on her), she’ll sell all your stuff

7. Somewhere there’s a law that lets you sell your wife, but I’m pretty sure she’s not gonna like it

8. If your wife is kidnapped, begging is a good way to make your ransom money

9. If you’re lucky enough to land a wife that wants to do your laundry, never, never leave her

10. If you get caught cheating, your wife is going to make your life a living hell

11. If your wife is hot, everyone is going to want a shot with her, even if they don’t tell you

12. While having multiple wives may seem cool, it’s the quickest way to wipe out your bank account

13. Wives that go out of their way to please their husbands deserve gifts

14. Your wife will never be this dirty…unless you plan it…and give her a diamond