Step 1. Boil lots of water in one of those pot things.

Step 2. Skim over the directions

Step 3. Dip your finger in. If it hurts like a bitch, it’s ready for more ingredients.

Step 4. Boxes of food often have convenient perforations to aid in opening. Simply mash your thumb through the cardboard with extraordinary force.

Step 5. See how easily that opened?

Step 6. Contents may fly all over kitchen upon opening. This is normal.

Step 7. Scoop up the spilled bits. They are probably very nearly edible.

Step 8. It’s tempting to stare at the bubbles.

Step 9. Just ... don’t stare too close, or for too long. Eventually, you will need to remove this hypnotic mess from the stove. Dump it into the sink to drain. Don’t bother with one of those girly collanders. Be a man and drain it through your fingers!

Step 10. Time to add the processed cheesy goodness. Funny. Plastic looks exactly the same when you melt it.

Step 11. Add the curly things back into the molten plastic. Time to eat!

Step 12. Always eat straight from the pot. It makes cleanup a snap!