Die Hard (1988) : Alan Rickman embodied two key things for Americans in this movie: the inherent terrorism of the holiday season, and another reason to hate the Germans. Alan was the ideal Eurotrash addition to the product of a bunch of people sitting around a table being like “Yo, fuck Bruce Willis amiright?”

Closet Land (1991): This is a weird one. Alan is a nameless interrogator questioning a woman accused of conspiring against the government. Definitely don’t get high and watch this because you’ll get claustrophobic and scared and you won’t be able to finish your Sour Patch kids because you’ll think they’re trapped in your interrogation room-mouth.

Love Actually (2003): Alan Rickman plays a piece of shit inside of the biggest piece of shit film that Hollywood has ever pushed out of it’s gaping, star-studded rectum. Shitception.

Close My Eyes (1991): This is the beginning of a weird incest-y phase that Alan went through. Like, not him personally, but during this time all his movies featured him at the center of some highly questionable sexual relationships. In this one, his wife is banging her brother. A cuckold for the ages.

Dogma (1999): Alan Rickman is the dickless Voice of God. Praise be to Alan.

An Awfully Big Adventure (1995): *spoiler alert* This whole movie is about a man who fucks his own daughter by accident, whoopsie! Alan Rickman is that walking erection, and his balls are made to seem even more swollen with semen by a MEGA-GAY Hugh Grant. It’s billed as a comedy in the trailers, but it fucking isn’t, don’t let the British do you like that.

Galaxy Quest (1999): Alan is the bitter, insecure, prosthetically-enhanced jewel at the center of this shit show/crown. He's angsty and fucking magnificent.

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (2005): When the world collectively agreed that there was no one better to play a surly, British android than actual surly, British android Alan Rickman.Typecast forever, the way now black dudes can only play the president of the US.