Dracula called. He said, “Nah, you can have the cape. Even I know they look dumb.”

Are you a gumshoe out of a Dashiell Hammett novel? No? Are you guest starring onMad Men? No? Then don’t wear a fedora.

Do those come in toddler size? Because that’s the only size they should come in. If your shoes have more than four colors and have multiple patterns then they get the boot. Pun intended

“I should really take this off.” — George Michael, on his dangly earring.

Nothing says, “I’ve broken my New Year’s resolution to get in shape” more than wearing running shoes with jeans.

See Justin Bieber? Even he can’t pull these pants off, and he’s what? Twelve? Your old ass has no chance with these so don’t even try.

Unless you are marooned on an island and you made that necklace to pass the time, then you have no business wearing it. Actually, that’s no excuse. Take it off right now.